Sunday, February 10, 2008

Liveblogging the Grammys

I think I'm going to regret this in about 20 minutes, but stay tuned because I'll be liveblogging tonight's 50th annual Grammy Awards. Whee!

8:01 Maybe it's that I can't stand Alicia Keys, but what the hell is this all about?

8:03 Yeah, this whole "duet with the deceased" was neat when Natalie Cole did it in like 1991 but I am not impressed. Dammit, now they're gonna let her talk.
8:04 Um, how can you speak on the behalf of someone who's been dead for over a decade?

8:06 Ohhh and it starts with the American Idol BS. (Kevin's comment, "Look, she's doing stomp. ... I'd rather be watching The Simpsons.")

8:09 Why is Carrie Underwood still singing? Anyone? Bueller??

8:10 Prince has officially become a caricature of himself. He's announcing best female R&B. If the Grammy tradition stays true to form, Alicia Keys will win since she just performed.

8:11 Ohhhh and here we go. "This is always the awkward part," Alicia says. Yeah, for us too.

8:15 Just checked the list of winners so far and Amy Winehouse has already collected two statues, one for Best Pop Vocal Album (you think they'd televise that sort of thing) and another for Best Pop Female Vocal for "Rehab." Amy, of course, is stuck overseas due to visa issues and is not at tonight's ceremony, but is scheduled to perform via satellite.

8:18 Oh my goodness, The Time. Kevin's dancing a little on the couch and those of you who know him know that's rare. This is bound to b e the most entertaining part of tonight's ceremony.

8:20 Well that was nice while it lasted. Now Rhianna is out singing her umbrella song. I'm mesmerized by her dancer's metallic purple tights.

8:24 Tom Hanks? At the Grammys? Talking about The Band? I'm not complaining.

8:25 Aw, Yoko looks so excited. I love her little top hat, she can do whatever the hell she wants and is still cool in my book. (I think even Tom Hanks realizes that all those Beatles song title puns they scripted for him are a little too much.)

8:30 Is it possible that I'm just not intelligent enough to truly appreciate Cirque de Soleil? (don't answer that) I want to like it, I really do.

8:32 This kid singing "Let It Be" is sort of giving me chills. Or I need to light the fireplace. Note to self: Rent Across the Universe...and buy firewood.

8:34: Cindi Lauper + Miley Cyrus? And when did Miley turn, like, 30? Sidebar: HATE it when they nominate people for Best New Artist who have been around forever (Feist). Winner is Amy Winehouse: woot! Girlfriend needs some good news these days.

8:36 And now we bring you "the people's Grammys" with Jason Bateman (LOVE him.) and the Foo Fighters. This is so incredibly lame.
8:37 Did I mention how much I love Jason Bateman? ("John Paul Jones...of Led Zeppelin, for the morons.")

8:46 And now for the official pyrotechnic/black light display of the evening, we bring you Kanye West. Isn't he done with those shades yet?

8:47 Is he supposed to have some weird light-up tail dangling from the back of his jacket? I'm oddly fixated on it.

8:49 I'm not very well versed in samplers, etc., but the Daft Punk moon man thing was pretty cool. Now Kanye's singing "Mama," a tribute to, well, his mother, who died recently. Moments like this, you really can't say the guy's not a versatile performer.

8:53 So correct me if I'm wrong,
but isn't the point of the Grammys to GIVE OUT AWARDS? Fergie and John Legend are performing now. Don't care for her either, I'm sure you're stunned by that revelation.

8:57 Love, the Beatles album...thing, just won best compilation and Ringo gets to get on the stage to introduce George Martin. Anyone else wondering where Paul is?

9:01 I glanced up briefly during commercials and thought i saw Moby's bald head staring at me from an e-trade commercial. That was scary. So here we are at the one hour mark and...yeah. Another 2.5 hours to go. Maybe this liveblogging thing was a bad idea. But we will soldier on!

9:04 Beyonce presents the history of black female perfomers...all while annoying the crap out of me. She's multi-talented, that one.
9:06 I must say, for being 97 years old, Tina Turner looks GOOD. Dammit, and thank you WRAL for beeping in to tell me it's windy outside. 'preciate it.

9:08 OK, I checked, she's 68. Let's see if Beyonce's still out there shakin' her ass and singing like Tina when she's that age.

9:13 I'm sorry for this, but...Andy Williams is still alive?
9:15 OK, song of the year. A real award. Winner is...Amy Winehouse!! WOOT! Is this a sweep so far?

9:21 Shocker, the hot girl won the "My Grammy Moment" competition. (no offense to the cellist.)

9:24 Wait, Pat Smear? He's...back? I also sort of feel bad for the orchestra members seeing as you can't actually hear them. (Of course right after I hit publish on that they got a solo) And: is Pat Smear on 'roids? He got big all of a sudden.

9:33 And if seeing Pat Smear wasn't random enough, here's George Lopez! Introducing...Brad Paisley. Don't the country singers get their own awards show?

9:36 Brad Paisley plays a sparkly paisley print guitar. That's almost cool. ALMOST.

9:38 Wow, and Chris Brown wins the tacky award for his...ensemble. Also: Will Kanye turn violent if he doesn't win?

9:40 Ahh, and we don't have to find out. Kanye wins best rap album. Does anyone know what he's talking about? He's now told Mark Ronson it's ok if Amy Winehouse wins album of the year. Gee, thanks Kanye. They were trying to play him off but then he started thanking his mom so they stopped. But, as always, a fine display of pretension from our good friend Kanye.

9:44 Ohh, Miss Aretha. I'm so, so sorry for this. But please, buy a dress with two arms next time.

9:49 Oh dear God I'm bored.

9:51 I really can't believe we're about to have a Daughtry vs. John Fogerty vs. Wilco situation here. Presented by Kid Rock, naturally.

9:57 In other odd pairings: Carole King and Dirks Bentley presenting a lifetime achievement award to Earl Scruggs, and now introducing Feist.

9:58 A woman and an acoustic guitar. The only honest, straightforward performance of the night (thus far).

10:00 Well that was short. Bastards.

10:01 What is going on? This is the most awkward thing I've ever seen. Kid Rock and this woman (Keely something?) are proving once and for all that Kid Rock has no talent. And now there's a man with a saxophone. Does anyone have any aspirin?

10:04 Best Rock Album goes to...Foo Fighters. Good for them. Who are the two suits getting on stage with them? And PAT! They've got a whole gang up there. This Keely lady is just sort of chillin' up there.

10:13 Why does Alicia Keys get to perform twice, yet Feist only gets to play two minutes of her song without her full band. I call BULLSHIT.

10:15 I'm boggled by this keyboard Alicia has at the end of the catwalk where she sort of pretends to play a chord or two. Ahh, the industry.

10:16 Dear John Mayer: Get thee AWAY from the spray tan booth. I think it must be in his recording contract that he's in the Grammys every year whether he actually does anything or not.

10:19 I now have a crush on Vince Gill. "I just had an award given to me by a Beatle. ... Have you had that happen yet Kanye??" Genius.

10:28 OK, I zoned out for a minute while reading some updates on the WGA strike. ( I enjoy that the Grammy ceremony still acknowledges other genres of music other than top 40. As a former musical theatre geek and orchestra student, this makes me very happy indeed.

10:30 And hey, congratulations to North Carolina native Max Roach who was just presented, posthumously, with a lifetime achievement award. Roach, a jazz drummer, was from the Township of Newland in the western part of the state. He's considered one of the "last giants from the birth of bebop" and "instigated a revolution in jazz drumming that persisted for decades."

10:34 I have no idea who either of these people are. Best Rap Collaboration...Rhianna and Jay-Z for "Umbrella." Isn't that song...really old?

10:41 Cuba Gooding Jr. is in London to introduce Amy Winehouse. Random.

10:44 Amy almost had me until she gave her husband (who is uh, in jail) a shout out.

10:46 She's rather cheeky in her performance of "Rehab." Ah, irony. Lovin' the backup singers, as usual.

10:47 OK, she pulled it off. Good girl, Amy! Now, uh, get back to rehab.

10:50 Record of the Year goes to Amy Winehouse. And oh dear the girl's in shock. I'm not sure if she realizes she's on live TV right now, she's just hugging people. I'm really so, so happy for her right now. She dedicated the award to Mark Ronson, her parents, "my Blake, incarcerated" and all of London.

10:57 And now a speech from an old bearded man. Zzzzzz

11:00 "And the piano boy grows up to be a piano man." — Kevin

11:01 That was officially the most awkward introduction to the "in memoriam" section...ever.

11:04 Andrea Bocelli is paying tribute to Pavarotti with Josh Groban, who Kevin just described as "the respectable Clay Aiken."

11:12 I'm amazed by how they've managed to stretch out the last 15 minutes. The show is set to go on for another 18 minutes, and only one more award to present.

11:15 This performance of "Great Ball of Fire" is sort of lacking in the "fire" department, but I'll let it slide seeing as Jerry Lee Lewis may keel over at any moment.

11:17 To John Fogerty, lay off the Botox. And Little Richard? (He's 75, by the way) just, damn.

11:26 They haven't presented an award in 36 minutes, and now I have to sit through In other news, Bright Eyes won for best packaging on Cassadaga. As someone who can't totally get into buying albums on iTunes, that may be my favorite award.

11:28 Fiiiiiiinally, Album of the Year, presented by Usher and Clive Davis.

11:29 And the absolute wild card Herbie Effing Hancock for the win. "This is like when Steely Dan beat Radiohead," says Kevin. I don't have an opinion one way or the other on Mr. Hancock, but I have to say I'm disappointed that Amy Winehouse didn't get her clean sweep.

11:32 Herbie's getting played off. Sort of BS, considering they stretched out the last half hour and then won't let the man talk for more than a minute or two.

Well, OK, that's it. Grammy 2008 is over and not a moment too soon. Good night, folks, and if you actually continued reading this far, God bless you.


I'm Nathan said...

i haven't listened to the foo fighters in like 5 years....but pat smear!!!!

Amanda said...

pat smear makes me think of nirvana's mtv unplugged
good times

I'm Nathan said...

wtf is this song about ticks.



I'm Nathan said...

better dress selection, arethra.

Anonymous said...

Strings behind the Foo Fighters?

This whole show is a cliche.

It sucks.

KW is an A-hole.

WRAL is notable for stating the obvious.

(sorry i put this on the wrong blog 1st time)

Anonymous said...

i guess it was worth sitting thru this to see Amy. She's a hot shit.
I'd go to rehab with her.

But she's nota role model! What will mommmy think?

Anonymous said...

Little Richard - the miracle of botox.

Abby said...

Oh Amy. You pulled it out. That is like the least trashed I've ever ever seen her. Man, that woman can sing the shit out of a song when she's not loaded. Britney's downward spiral is sad, but since she's talentless, it doesn't get me the way Amy's does. Amy has a seriously excellent voice. I hope she doesn't die.

cycledork said...

Thank you, for the second year, for enduring this event for me. I'll laugh for a week about Kevin's Josh Groban remark.

Anonymous said...

If you got a life, a work ethic and a real cultural identity you might have actual insight to share about artists and their music rather than the tired cliches and self-conscious snarkiness exhibited in this blog.